January 4, 2018, an awakening—a new year and I was in need of a new start. The previous few years had been a deep punch in the gut that not only took my breath away, but left my breath shallow at best. I simply couldn’t find my center.
I had sold a business and walked away from three others, all in an effort to save my marriage. In the end, I was left without any of it. My efforts seemed moot. I was grieving fiercely for it all. Absolutely everything that I built, and that I loved, was gone… except for what mattered most, and what took every ounce of strength that I had—four little men who needed me in every way. How in the world was I going to show up for them, when my heart hurt so profoundly? What the hell had happened? How did I get here?
This first post is one that sets the stage for characterizing my development as an entrepreneur. It’s personal, because I believe all entrepreneurs know what it’s like to “take it home at night”, and the discipline it takes to leave the personal stuff “off the court” (a term I relate back to my volleyball days). It’s now nearly two years later of building, climbing, and reconstructing the vision of my life—building a business around my life versus a life around my business.
I came home from the office on this day to an empty house. The children were with their father for the first week of the New Year. The silence in the house screamed at me as I walked in from a howling wind on this blustery cold day in mid-Michigan. I tore off my heavy winter coat, and tossed it on the back of the couch. I was mumbling to myself (like something you saw in the movie, “A Beautiful Mind”) as I paced, and cried, and talked feverishly with my hands. I was frustrated with how my day had gone at work and caught myself talking out loud about what I’d imagined my life should have looked like at this point in my life.
I remembered my training at ZingTrain on visioning several years back and began to dictate into my phone the beginning of a draft vision. Through my discouragement and setbacks, I had chosen, in my pure optimistic fashion, the viewpoint of “appreciate the pause” while I tried desperately to reclaim my spirit. Suddenly, it felt time to honor where I’d been, while placing energy into what I was to become.
Below is what I wrote verbatim, unedited and in its entirety. At the time, I had spewed out the words in an almost prayerful fashion. It started with what I imagined to be possible. The stories to follow will elaborate on what brought me to this point, as an entrepreneur and a single mother of four amazing little men; and, on where life is taking me. The journey continues. It’s so much more than lemonade from lemons. It was le sucre dans mon café. A perfectly imperfect beginning.
When I went to work I was sometimes sitting at a French café or a city park or by a fireplace.
I was a part of something bigger, of moving something foreword, of being a part of a community that few understood, but so many aspired to be a part of (perhaps unknowingly).
To be surrounded with “possible” people. “Yes, that’s possible. Let’s find a way”—those kinds of people.
I strategized, I created, I built, I buried, I wrote, I traveled, I commiserated, I loved, I learned, I shared, I spoke, I laughed, I illuminated… with people who get it. Those “possible” people.
I motivated, I engaged, I gamed, and I conquered… as a team in a global environment where work isn’t work… because we’re building together.
People begin to see me for my worth, and my value. That dreaming and being visionary are sought-after gifts and lessons learned don’t repeat themselves. I’m leading, I’m partnering, I’m prospering… because I’m of service with my talents with people who appreciate me. Personal growth is reciprocated and philosophical conversations nurture our souls.
I fall in love, with myself and my planet and my dreams all over again… and my heart is open to receiving all of God’s good graces—true love, abundant travel, more than enough money so I can share with the next generation and beyond.
What if… I start today.